Mia in the Mirror
by cheerio777
Summary: Again, another english assignment. This just basically describes the point of view of a bulimic of herself or himself, it could be either. I don't really know how to summarize it more. R&R please!


Again, sorry, this doesn't have direct reference to the Bible. The character is a Christian though, so hopefully I didn't totally miscategorize it. :)

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Mia in the Mirror

I stuck my pointed weapon down my throat for the fifth time. Just do it, I dared myself. With a mix of utter disgust and complete bliss, my stomach muscles contracted violently and I plunged my head into the toilet. A mix of leftover chocolate cake and bile came pouring out of the opening in my pale face. When I was finished projecting what felt like all my insides, into the toilet bowl, I stood trying to steady myself. It felt like an eternity but when I finally trusted my feet enough to support my swaying body, I turned off the running shower being used to drown out the sounds of my vomit episode.

I gazed silently at my reflection in the mirror. In a demented sort of way I felt hugely accomplished. I had rushed to the kitchen, grabbed the first eatable thing I saw, stuffed it in my mouth, masticated, chewed and swallowed. I was disgusting. Afterwards, I had succeeded in making my stomach reject the chocolate cake. I was beautiful and skinny… but only for a moment. All of the sudden, a grotesque monster started to climb out of me and place itself in my reflection. I stared in horror at my swollen belly and my inflated thighs. Slowly my gaze fell on my face. I almost cried out in disbelief. Where I could have sworn I saw cheek bones, there was nothing but folds of fat and skin that would simply need to go.

I stepped over to the scale, almost shaking in terror as I lowered my eyes to see the numbers… one hundred and twenty four pounds at five feet and two inches. If I would put on eventwnety more pounds I'd be deemed as more than average weight. I could not -would not, let that happen.I had to be beautiful. But why? I knew God had a special someone out there for me, soI didn't need to worry aboutthat.I already had friends. My family loved me. Idid very well in school. I went to church all my life, so my spiritual life was good.I thought desperatly for a reason valid enough to lose weight, no matter how dumb it sounded. I _needed_ to find a reason.I smiled. I had to lose weight for God. I had to be beautiful for Him.Average was not good enough, it was not beautiful. They called it average for a reason. The only way to get rid of the enormous ogre in the mirror was to work extra hard. She told me what to do.

I was thrown into an endless cycle which consisted of constant gruelling exercises, periodical weigh-in sessions with the monster in the mirror (whom I had named Mia), and occasionally using my weapon to extract all the food from inside of me.Mia always reminded me why i didthis. I had to be perfect for God.I loved it, yet hated it at the same time. I was enamoured by Mia. I worshiped her. I did whatever she told me to do, forsaking all else. She gave me the confidence to keep working and not give up, but loathed her with such a passion that can never be described. I detested that repulsive thing in the mirror.

Years later, I looked into my reflection from the tips of my toes, up to my enlarging thighs, gigantic behind, and generally fat body. I wasn't doing any good, so I knelt beside the only friend I had now, who was always there to catch all the dirtiness inside me and used my weapon.

Streams of unknown liquids and chunks of food came out of my mouth. I was now a professional and didn't even need to have the shower on when I did it. I could remain silent and no one would hear the filthy secret Mia and I whispered to the toilet everyday. I stood to check my weight and realised… I had struck my goal eighty pounds. I smiled at myself triumphantly and flushed the toilet. At that precise moment I was floating. I was one with air. I was so weightless that if it had been raining, I knew I could squeeze in between the raindrops. If it had been snowing outside, I knew I would be able to step (perhaps even jump) on it, without leaving a heavy trail of footprints behind. If it had been windy outside, I knew I could be carried away forever on the back of the wind. I was perfect for God.I sighed and started to walk out of the bathroom, but even before I set foot outside, my stomach lurched on its own.

I started to spit out blood and bile mixed together. What was wrong? I hadn't even used my weapon, and I couldn't make it stop. My head started spinning. When I looked up, I was looking into the mirror, but the monster was gone. I really looked; behind all the masks, and facades. My eyes were hollow, covered in dark black clouds. I reached up to feel, what I thought to be blubber, and felt only the sharp pain of bones sticking out. I ran my fingers through my thin, wirey hair.

I knew I wasn't in control. Mia had taken everything away from me. I had no time for anything but her and striving towards her reward. Mia stole my life and told meI'd recieve beauty, but she lied. I thought I would be able to leave that room, having achieved my goal weight, and have a slice of pizza or even a whole muffin without rejecting it… but I couldn't. I let a wave of emotion come over me as I searchedfrantically for the girl underneath the pile of bones I had become. I always knew God thoughtI was beautiful andMia had made me believe I was getting thin for Him, but that was just another lie. It was a stupid one. I couldn't beliveI had bought into it. God had made me human, incapable of perfection. Mia and being thinhad become more important to methan anything and anyone else, including God.

My body was supposed to be God's temple; the Holy Spirit was living inside me. My body was His home andI had totally ravaged it.The reality was, Mia had destroyed me, and I let her do it. She had taken all my energy and devotion until all that was left, was left was an empty shell of a girl that used to be.

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It's kind of a depressing ending but, ''c'est la vie''. By the way, if anyone's wondering, I'm not writing this from experience. I have a friend who is at this point in her life right now. It's not as extreme though. I hope in a while she'll be able to heal and get to know God's love again. Just another random fact;Mia is an abbreviation for builMIA. I didn't think it up though. 


End file.
